Such a Cost
by SnowyCrocus
Summary: All sacrifices come at great cost. Even if they are made for love.
1. Chapter 1

When he touches her hands, she holds back a shudder.

His rough-hewn palms scrape against her smooth skin – pale, unblemished hands that have only ever-so-recently become exposed to the world once more.

Her skin there is _so_ sensitive, the nerves jumping and very nearly screaming at the lightest, gentlest touch.

She reacts in such a way because of the gloves that she has almost always worn, yes, but also because this _particular_ touch carries with it the weight of what is to come.

Grand Pabbie's fingertips graze her own. His fingers wrap around hers, and she feels not just the abrasive texture of his hands but also the power that seems to draw her own _out._ His palms, lumpy and jagged, cup the backs of her hands, and she feels her magic being pulled; stretched out and then held, frozen – for once, motionless.

She doesn't like the feeling, not at all.

"Elsa."

His voice, like the rock-like skin she feels pressing up against her, is gravelly, rich and deep. It tells of age, of great power, of great weight and perhaps sadness. Of history. Of history made, centuries before, and of history, now, about to be created.

She tries desperately to quell the shaking of her hands in his. She knows he can feel it, and she is embarrassed. A Queen, and a powerful one at that, reduced to a child once again in his eyes, in his hands. The same child that stood at this very spot, fourteen years ago. She thought so much had changed since then.

She should have known better.

"Elsa," Grand Pabbie repeats.

No 'queen.' It is not necessary. It is not _her_ – for here, standing here, on this rock, surrounded by these people and trolls and the weight of what she is and what she, what her _body_ has done – she is not 'queen.' She is just – just – _Elsa._

No one else.

No one else could have done such a thing.

She meets his eyes this time. Though only briefly, shaking and scared as she is, she still considers it an accomplishment.

"You are certain this is the path you wish to take?" Grand Pabbie's gaze is level, his voice even.

She feels her fingers quake harder in his grasp and tries to fight her burgeoning panic. Sucks in deep, shaky breaths, blinks the tears back out of her eyes that begin to form and fall. Her heart pounds in her chest. She's never felt this heavy before, like her feet and legs can't stand to support her weight. Yet at the same time she is light, so light, that the world is spinning around her and she could just drift away, into the air and never come back.

A different grip on her upper arm brings her back to reality. "Elsa."

Despite the gravity of the situation, Anna's voice is light, comforting. Soothing.

She doesn't deserve it.

The hand on her arm is cold – _freezing_ , even to her. It _terrifies_ her.

She cannot turn around, cannot look to see her sister standing there next to her. To see her supporting her, _loving_ her, even after what she has done.

Her heart catches in her throat and she chokes, breath stuttering.

" _Yes,"_ she hisses, eyes squeezed shut so hard it hurts.

"You know what you must do, then." His tone is patient, understanding, and she _hates_ him for it.

She can barely speak because her heart is pounding in her throat and she cannot swallow, cannot breathe. But somehow she finds the words. She _must._

"I, Elsa of Arendelle," she starts. She feels the cold being drawn from her veins, feels the ice crackling under her skin in protest. "Hereby relinquish my magic, request that you purge it from my being-" She stumbles over the last words as she feels her magic latch onto her spirit, like tiny arctic barbs digging into her soul.

"For what purpose?" Grand Pabbie prompts, his hands grasping hers more roughly than before. "You know well that I cannot do this for any such reason. I have told you, and your parents, as such, before."

She no longer knows where she is, _who_ she is, the pain and despair and confusion is so strong and all she can hear and see and feel. The roar of her magic fighting back swirls in her ears and screams in protest. It knows what is about to happen. It is _fighting._

But she feels the icy grip of her sister, whose arms wrap around her shaking, shameful body, and knows what she must do if she is to be worthy of such unconditional love.

"Take away my magic," she tries again, urging, _pleading._ "For _love._ "

She hears a scream, a guttural cry, as the ice is _ripped_ from her body. She feels her very soul torn to pieces, feels like her heart has been rent to pieces.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she hears her sister calling her name, feels her stiff, icicle-like fingers stroke her forehead and dance over her shoulders. She thinks that scream might have been hers.

The pain is too much, the loss too much to bear.

The world goes black.

* * *

Please let me know what you think! I read every word, and your reviews are what keep me writing. I would so greatly appreciate your comment.

Any guesses as to why Elsa is sacrificing her magic?


	2. Chapter 2

The first time that Anna felt the pain – the sharp, biting burst of cold – she was alone.

It shot through her heart, quick as a flash of lightening, and was gone almost as quickly as it had come.

Anna shrugged, shook her head, and didn't think any more of it, rising from her bed to begin her day as usual.

* * *

The next time when it came, a few weeks later, Anna had joined Kristoff in feeding Sven and cleaning his stall.

A sharp gasp led Kristoff to whip around to search for the source of the sound- Anna, fist over her heart as she hunched over in pain, lost her grip on the carrot which rolled along the floor. She gulped in a breath to attempt to calm the fluttering of her heart and the lack of air.

 _"Anna!"_ Kristoff cried, his rough palm squeezing her arms. "What's wrong?"

But the pain had come and gone again, just like last time. So short-lived it wasn't even worth mentioning.

She tried to brush it off, bending to retrieve the fallen carrot and offering it to Sven once more. "Must've just pulled a muscle or something."

Kristoff glanced at her concernedly, but accepted her explanation and continued to sweep.

* * *

The third time the pain struck, Anna wasn't as lucky.

She was sitting in on a meeting with her sister and their council. Elsa was mid-sentence when the twinge lanced through Anna's chest, and she must have made some kind of strangulated noise because Elsa stopped immediately as all eyes turned to the Princess with concern.

" _Anna_?" Elsa asked delicately, her eyes wide with worry.

"Sorry, sorry, it's nothing," Anna protested, waving the room back to continue their meeting. She faked a raspy cough as she tried to catch her breath over her skipped heartbeats. "Just something in my throat."

Elsa held her gaze, eyes narrowed in suspicion for a moment before returning to the discussion at hand.

Anna tried to refocus on the meeting, but when she went to jot down some notes and noticed her fingertips were blue, she realized she wasn't all that able to concentrate any longer.

* * *

Her symptoms grew with startling intensity over the next few weeks.

Sporadic, sharp bursts of pain grew to become a near-constant ache in her chest. Besides the pain, her heart felt like it was trying to flutter away like a butterfly with broken wings, leaving Anna struggling to catch her breath when her heart skipped one beat, then two, and then three in quick succession.

Had it been just these symptoms alone, Anna would have called for a doctor. She felt something was…. _wrong_ , felt it deep in her bones like a set chill that just wouldn't leave.

But a doctor couldn't fix the symptoms she was experiencing. A doctor wouldn't know what to make of the warning signs that followed.

She began to experience frequent headaches- but not the normal, aching-behind-the-eyes ones that normally would come after too many glasses of wine with dinner. No – these were lancing streaks of ice-cold tendrils that snaked their way into her brain, prickled behind her eyes and threatened to puncture through her skull. Pain so sharp and biting it made her vision blur and lose her words.

At night, Anna shivered and trembled with cold – cold which no number of blankets, socks nor warming pans could touch. She piled on blankets and robes and thick woolen socks – layers and layers of them – yet she shook and shivered and trembled under the piles of fabric and couldn't help but dream of freezing when she finally would drift off to a fragmented sleep.

It was almost as if the cold were _within_ her- an _internal_ source, rather than an _external_ one.

Her fingertips and ears took on a near-permanent tinge of blue. She took to wearing her hair differently to cover her ears and hid her hands in her skirts to avoid the discoloration being spotted. Her fingers went numb, and rubbing her hands together or cupping them around hot mugs of tea and chocolate only would give a temporary reprieve before the sickly hue returned once more.

So, no, a doctor couldn't help, she knew.

There was only one person - or perhaps _being_ was a better term - who could help; one person who had done so not once, but twice before.

Fear gripped her heart almost as strongly as the cold. She is not afraid of these warning signs because they are unfamiliar. No – in fact, they are _too_ familiar.

She has felt this all before. It's just….slower, now.

She has to get to the trolls. She will find her way to them, without anyone else knowing. She will sneak out at night, soon. She just has to plan. She needs time.

She hopes she has enough of it.

And Anna knows she cannot tell anyone, least of all Elsa.

* * *

Anna grows used to the hiding – it becomes part of her daily routine. Some powder on her ears, gloves when they can be explained away, an extra jacket and scarf and control of her breathing – all in a day's work, now.

She takes her lunch with Elsa and Kristoff in the dining room on a day with the sun shining through the windows. The warmth from the sun is heating up the room, yet Anna still represses the shivering she feels inside and spoons hot soup into her mouth, praying for its warmth to spread from her fingers to her toes.

Suddenly, a sharp flash of pain spikes through her heart once again, yet this time it is accompanied by an onslaught of cold so severe that Anna clenches her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering.

She's so preoccupied with what she's feeling that she very nearly misses the clattering of a spoon into a bowl of soup next to her and the tell-tale sign of crackling ice spreading across the tablecloth and freezing the water in their glasses.

 _"Anna!"_ Elsa's voice cries, _raw_ and desperate. She lunges toward her sister, arms outstretched, before catching herself and stepping back, crouched and hunched into herself, hands twining.

Anna looks up in surprise. Elsa hasn't stepped back from her in _months._ And why is Kristoff looking at her with that stunned, scared expression?

No one says anything, but Kristoff hands Anna a wide serving spoon with a trembling hand. Anna is confused at first until she realizes that she can see her reflection in the spoon, though it's a bit distorted.

She takes a look and nearly drops the spoon.

Once again, her hair is streaked with white.

* * *

Elsa nearly doesn't come with them to the Valley of the Hidden Rock, at first.

She's hunched and trembling, just like she used to be all those months ago. _Has it really only been a few months?_

She cowers, backed up into the corner of the dining room, shaking like a leaf. Her eyes are wide, scared, like an animal hunted. The air grows cold.

 _"Did I….?"_ She whispers. Kristoff and Anna only know what words she speaks by reading her lips from afar. _"How?!"_ The word comes out as a choked, desperate cry. She unclasps her hands to hold them out in front of her, looking at her palms in horror.

Kristoff remembers the rush last time to get Anna to the trolls. There might not be much time now, either, he startlingly realizes. His heart drops, and he grabs her hands. They are ice cold to the touch and he can feel the scrape of frost on hers against his own.

"How long?!" He asks her urgently.

Anna looks away ashamedly, pointedly avoiding Elsa's direction. "A couple wee-" she pauses, thinking. "-months, now."

Kristoff sighs, running a hand over his unruly hair and tries not to flinch when Elsa lets out a despairing, painful wail at Anna's response.

"We gotta get you back to the trolls." He grabs her arm and pulls her to the door. They both stop in the doorway, turning to look behind them. Elsa is still huddled in the corner, looking after them with frozen tear stains on her cheeks.

"C'mon, Elsa, let's go," Kristoff calls almost exasperatedly, his voice rough with tension. "There may not be much time."

Elsa flinches again at the reminder. "No." Her voice is raw and hoarse. "I – I shouldn't. Go without me. Bring her home safe again. _Please._ "

 _"Elsa,_ " Anna calls to her. "You know I need you there. You didn't _do_ anything!" This isn't – it can't be your fault."

Elsa's gaze falls back to her hands. "How – how can it _not_ be?"

Kristoff's mouth sets into a hard line. "I don't know," he admits. "But whatever it's from, we probably don't have much time to figure it out. Let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

Anna hung her head and waited for the others by the doorway.

"I'm sorry," she uttered as Kristoff approached.

"You _should_ be," he shot back, voice thick with emotion. "You….for over a _month?!"_ He ran his hand through his hair, subconsciously closed his hands into fists. "You _know_ what this means for you, what could happen – and you didn't tell us?!" His voice had risen in anger and panic, his stance becoming tense and stiff, almost threatening in his concern. Movement from the corner of his eyes made him turn, seeing Elsa crouch down against the wall and hug herself into a ball in response to the situation. He recognized the start of a panic attack – something he had now seen a couple of times but less and less frequently as time went on.

Kristoff sighed, seeing his anger would only make things worse – for everyone. "It doesn't matter now," he told Anna. "All that matters is that we get you the help you need." He took slow, careful steps to approach Elsa, crouching down to her level on the floor.

"Elsa." He reached out a hand to settle on her shoulder before thinking better of it in the current circumstances.

Elsa drew a rattling breath. "I can't go with you. I _can't."_ Her breathing came staggered and stuttering, high-pitched through her throat which felt like it was closing.

"We might need you there." He tried to soften his words while what he _wanted_ to do was shake her shoulders and smack her senseless for prolonging the time until they could get help for Anna.

"You – you don't need me," she spit out, struggling. Her chest was heaving and Kristoff found himself needing to tear his gaze away from watching the tears slide down her cheeks before freezing and catching the light. "No one does. Least of all Anna. All I ever do is hurt her." She tried to brush the tears away but they stuck to her cheeks. "Just go. You're wasting time."

His frustration bubbled up to the surface and broke through. "No, _you're_ wasting time!" He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, figuring even if he began to freeze he didn't want to live without Anna, and they were already going to the trolls for help anyway. Elsa gasped and sputtered in surprise and Kristoff was struck by just how fragile she felt underneath his palms, like he could accidentally crush her if he could get past the feeling of rapid-onset frostbite under his skin.

She staggered as he pulled her up and couldn't meet his gaze. "Don't _touch_ me," she cringed. She waved a hand vaguely in Anna's direction. " _Look_ at her."

Kristoff bit his tongue before answering. "You're coming with us, Elsa," he said, his tone brooking no room for argument. "None of us know what's going on, and you _especially_ need to be there to help figure this out."

Her breathing began to even out, panic fading into relief as someone else took charge of the situation for once. "Fine. But I'm not riding with you. Just – just stay _away_." Her voice broke on the words and Kristoff merely nodded.

* * *

The ride to the Valley of the Hidden Rock was nearly silent – just the sounds of Sven's hooves clip-clopping and Elsa's disc of ice on which she stood gliding over the icy path she cast in front of her. Her path occasionally spread out farther to the sides than she intended, shards of ice and lumps of snow shooting out to the sides and encroaching upon Sven's path ahead. The struggle increased as time went on and Kristoff recognized it as the fear overtaking her. Her facial expression spoke of her strain to fight her magic, brows knit tightly in concentration and lips twisted in a pained grimace.

Upon reaching their destination, Kristoff bounded off of Sven before helping Anna gently to the ground. He was relieved to note that Anna's appearance hadn't worsened during the journey, and though she felt chilled she didn't feel close to the point of freezing like she once had months ago. He released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. _We still have time._

As the trolls rolled around the incomers and called for Grand Pabbie, Elsa hung back, a light wind tossing her hair and skirts as little snowflakes fluttered in the air. Anna turned back toward her sister.

"Elsa," she called. Elsa whipped her head around, startled.

"I'm sorry," Anna started. "I should've told you. I just didn't – I didn't want to worry you or upset you. -Elsa!" she cried out, as her sister took a few more steps back, wrapping her arms tightly around her stomach. "Elsa, please – please, I need you."

"No." Elsa's voice came surprisingly strong to Anna, as far away as they were. "No, you don't. Just stay away from me, Anna. I told you before and I'm telling you now. _Stay. Away._ "

"But the trolls will help! They can tell us what's going on!"

"Anna, we know what's going on – I hurt you with my magic before, and now I can't even tell when I'm hurting you anymore!" Tears poured down her face and Anna felt more anguished over her sister's emotions than the fact that she was slowly freezing once more. Elsa had _finally_ broken free over feeling powerless over her own magic, from feeling like her body had betrayed her. And now that betrayal was back, and with vengeance.

"Princess."

The rough, gravelly voice behind Anna made her jump in surprise. Grand Pabbie stood by Anna's knees and held out his hands to her. His gaze passed calmly yet concernedly over her form. "Princess, what happened?" His gaze flitted over to Elsa briefly, who still stood away from the group, shuddering.

Kristoff stepped in as Grand Pabbie took Anna's hands in his own. He examined her ice-encrusted fingertips and reached up to touch her blue-tinged ears. "We don't know, Grand Pabbie," he told him. "Nothing happened, this time."

"Hmmm, strange indeed." Grand Pabbie gestured to Anna to lean down in front of him so he could hold a hand to her forehead. He closed his eyes. "Queen Elsa – do you know nothing of this, child?"

Elsa's hands closed to fists tightly and she shook her head violently. "No!" She protested. "I don't – I didn't – I don't know how I-" she broke off with a choking cry.

Grand Pabbie concentrated for a few moments with his hand on Anna's head still. Finally, he pulled back, and Anna gasped at the release from his probing magic.

"Interesting," he started, as the three turned to him in desperate anticipation. He turned to Elsa first. "Queen Elsa, you are correct – as you know, you did not strike the princess with your magic this time."

Elsa quite literally sagged in relief, her limbs suddenly turning to jelly and breath escaping her. The question remained, though, and her gaze turned perplexed as she opened her mouth to ask-

"How, then?" Anna interrupted. "What's going on?"

Elsa felt safer to approach and joined her sister and Kristoff, who was holding on to Anna's arm tightly.

Grand Pabbie pondered for a moment, hand rubbing his chin. "How do I explain…" He turned to Bulda next to him and they joined hands. Both the crystals around their necks alit and Bulda's eyes moved beneath her eyelids as she felt and saw what Grand Pabbie had gleaned from Anna with his magic.

"Aah, I see," Bulda exclaimed. "Kristoff- do you remember, when you were a child, you ate my fireweed soup?"

"Uuhh, no, sorry," Kristoff scratched his head and looked down at Bulda apologetically. "Why?"

"Well," she started, "you ate it, and then perhaps a few weeks later you ate it again. But _that_ time, after you ate it, your skin turned red and bumpy and your lips swelled and you were having trouble breathing – remember that?"

"Sounds like something I blocked out," Kristoff responded, looking a bit startled. "I'm glad to know now not to eat any fireweed though. But – what does this have to do with anything?"

"An allergy," Elsa breathed. Her eyes were wide with concern yet she wore a calculating expression. "Anna's body is reacting to….me?"

"Precisely," Grand Pabbie nodded. "Though more specifically, to your _magic_."

"The princesses' body has experienced harm from your magic twice now," Bulda continued. "Now it senses the presence of your magic and is attempting to protect itself."

"But just like an allergy, the body often creates the very problem it's attempting to protect itself from." Elsa twined her hands together. She was fluctuating between breathtaking relief that she hadn't harmed Anna and crippling anxiety over the fact that she was _still_ causing Anna harm even when she wasn't _doing_ anything.

"Wait, _what?"_ Anna sounded a mix of worried and outraged. She narrowed her eyes. "So, what, if I leave Elsa, then I'll be back to normal?"

"Correct, Princess," Grand Pabbie nodded. "As long as you are away from your sister and her magic, you shall survive. However, your body's reaction to the presence of her magic is causing you to slowly freeze to death once more. If you choose to stay, and allow your body to react to her magic…at this rate, I would imagine you have perhaps four to six more moons until your body succumbs to the ice."

The air around the group turned frigid and a wind began to blow. Elsa was struck speechless – she had only recently gotten her sister back – her sister who was her _whole world_ – and now, out of her control, she would either have to lose her for eternity – or, essentially, watch her die.

"Whoa, whoa hold on-" Kristoff waved his arms in the air, breaking up the stunned silence. "What's 'far away' mean? A couple feet? Kilometers? What're we talking, here?"

Grand Pabbie looked at the small group gathered solemnly. "Queen Elsa's magic is extraordinarily powerful, with a great range. Even out here in the Valley we can feel her presence." Elsa bit her lip and her skin turned an ashen grey at the words she knew would follow. "If the princess wishes to live….she cannot see her sister again."

Anna staggered back like she had been struck in the chest, while Elsa's knees gave way and she crumbled to her knees as gusts of snow and ice began to swirl.

"No-"

"Please-"

"There _must_ be another way!" Kristoff turned to Grand Pabbie, pleading.

The troll pondered, silently observing the mourning sisters who even in their deepest grief dared not to touch one another.

"There is – there is a way, but-"

" _Anything."_ The snow and wind stopped abruptly and Grand Pabbie actually had to look _down_ to find the Queen of Arendelle on her knees, _begging._ " _Anything,_ " she repeated harshly, tears cascading down her cheeks and freezing to twinkling droplets. Her gaze was fierce, eyes piercing blue. "Just tell me, and consider it done."

Grand Pabbie waved his hands in the air and allowed his magic to create pictures of light in the sky. "Only with the power of love," he began, painting two feminine figures above, "can I remove magic." Anna gasped by his side at the light show above. He drew waves of magic being drawn out of both figures. The one on the left, as a result, turned from icy blue to blazing green and grew straighter, taller – fuller and healthier. The figure on the right, however, faded from an azure blue to an ashy grey, crouched and spasming in suffering and loss.

"Yes," said the Queen without hesitation. She stood, once again confident, straight and tall. "Remove my magic."

"Elsa, _no!_ " Anna ran to her sister's side to grab her, but Elsa recoiled from Anna's icy fingers on her skin and grimaced when her eyes found the blue tinge of Anna's ears and lips. "You can't do that, Elsa!" Anna continued, despite her sister's reaction. "Your magic is a part of _you!_ What makes you _you._ You _can't_ take that away!"

"Anna," Elsa shook her head in grim acceptance. "You don't understand. _You_ are the most important part of me. _You_ are what brought me through all the darkest times – it is _you_ that brings me the most happiness. _You_ make me _me._ Without you – without you I am _nothing_ , I _have_ nothing."

There was no question, no consideration. She returned to stand in front of Grand Pabbie.

Elsa stood tall and proud, looking more like a Queen than even at her coronation. She raised her chin, squared her shoulders and spoke, strong and clear.

"Do it. Remove my magic. Save my sister."


End file.
